


Error Codes

by I_am_THEdragon



Category: ENA - Joel G (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Surrealism, error logs, lab reports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29959035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_THEdragon/pseuds/I_am_THEdragon
Summary: The story of how ƎNA was brought into the world. Content warnings: Mentions of death, suicide, vomit, and mental breakdowns.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Error Codes

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings: Mentions of death, suicide, vomit, and mental breakdowns.  
> Note that my headcanons surrounding the ƎNA species have changed a fair bit since I wrote this, so any later ENA fanfics I write will follow a different continuity!

Rows upon rows of iridescent icosahedrons hovered tranquilly within large pods, each guarded by a watchful, ever-open eye. Overseeing the haunting yet quiet display was Kubiak and Ganymede, a pair of beings vague in appearance yet clear in their desire for this new brood of lifeforms to emerge successfully.

With the sound of a chime, the first of the twenty-four eyes closed.

“Finally!” Kubiak exclaimed with a sigh of relief. “And just in time, too. Boss is going to be here soon, and she’ll be furious if we’ve got nothing to show for our work.”

The icosahedron below the closed eye unravelled to reveal a humanoid figure, split vertically down the middle into two striking colours- Yellow on the left, and blue on the right. Her head and limbs were detached from her torso but floated harmlessly in place regardless. She lifted her head, brushing her long black hair off her face and scanning her surroundings with pleasant curiosity.

“Hello, world!” She exclaimed jovially, raising her arms with glee.

“ƎNA-Alpha, status: Emerged successfully.” Ganymede began recording, approaching the newly hatched figure. “Errors: None, Action taken: Proceeding.”

“I’ll take it from here, Ganymede.” Kubiak interrupted. “You take the ƎNAs to the presentation room and put the tracker bracelets on them.”

“No problem, Kubiak”.

Ganymede gently took the ƎNA by her hand and lead her out of the hatchery.

> _ƎNA LOG_

> _ƎNA-Alpha  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Beta  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Gamma  
>  Status: Deceased  
> Errors: Error 523 – Missing vital object – Head  
> Comments: Oh geez, this one just kind of… Flopped out of the ƎGG… Without any head…  
> Action taken: Discarded_

> _ƎNA-Delta  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Epsilon  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: Error 88 – Bilateral mirroring  
> Comments: Well, this one’s blue on the left and yellow on the right. Not likely to be an issue, however.  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Zeta  
>  Status: N/A  
> Errors: Error 404 – Failure to exist  
> Comments: Nothing came out of the ƎGG. Trust me, I checked. No ƎNA anywhere.  
> Action taken: Discarded…?_

> _ƎNA-Eta  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Theta  
>  Status: Not yet emerged  
> Errors: Undetermined  
> Comments: This one hasn’t hatched yet. Might be a dud, I don’t know.  
> Action taken: None_

> _ƎNA-Iota  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Kappa  
> _ ~~_Status: Emerged successfully  
> _ ~~ ~~_Errors: None  
> _ ~~ ~~_Action taken: Pr  
> _ ~~ _Status: Deceased  
>  Errors: Error 183 – Sudden explosive termination Comments: This one violently exploded approximately eight seconds after hatching. Made a huge mess. Yuck.  
> Action taken: Discarded_

> _ƎNA-Lambda  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Mu  
>  Status: Deceased  
> Errors: Error 54 – Bilateral splitting  
> Comments: This one’s split in half, like the two sides didn’t fuse properly or something. Shame.  
> Action taken: Discarded_

> _ƎNA-Nu  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: Error 546 – Hue shift +90  
> Comments: This one’s magenta and green… Shouldn’t be a problem though, I guess.  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Xi  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Omicron  
>  Status: Corrupted  
> Errors: Error 657 – Physical corruption  
> Comments: This ƎNA’s physical form is corrupted beyond recognition, I’d better put her out of her misery.  
> Action taken: Terminated and discarded._

> _ƎNA-Pi  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Rho  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Sigma  
>  Status: Deceased  
> Errors: Error 873 – Failed to emerge, ƎGG corrupted  
> Comments: Yeah, the uh, the ƎGG just melted.  
> Action taken: Discarded_

> _ƎNA-Tau  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Upsilon  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Comments: This one called me ‘Jim’ for some reason.  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Phi  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Chi Status: Paralysed  
>  Errors: Error 372 – Missing movement scripts  
> Comments: Frozen like a statue, unable to move or speak. Unsuccessful.  
> Action taken: Terminated and discarded_

> _ƎNA-Psi  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _ƎNA-Omega  
>  Status: Emerged successfully  
> Errors: None  
> Action taken: Proceeding_

> _SUCCESS RATE: 15/24 (62.5%)_

> _END LOG_

“Kubiak, why do we have so few successful ƎNAs?!” Ganymede demanded, growing visibly anxious. “Boss is going to deem this whole project an immediate failure if we don’t have a success rate of at least 2/3!”

“Well maybe if you went and upgraded our software like I asked you to three years ago we would’ve had better results!” Kubiak retorted, gesturing at the rather underwhelming crowd of live ƎNAs.

“So, what are we going to do now? We need a miracle to bump that number up and meet Boss’s requirements!”

Before Kubiak could answer, Ganymede caught sight of the unhatched ƎGG of ƎNA-Theta. Among all the empty pods and closed eyes, there remained just one open eye above a lone ƎGG.

“That ƎGG, is that one a definite dud?” They asked.

“I haven’t confirmed it yet.” Kubiak answered, approaching the idle icosahedron. “But she should have hatched with all the others if she was incubated successfully.”

“It’s a long shot, but ƎNA-Theta might be our last hope.” Ganymede suggested. “Help me override the system and force-hatch the ƎGG manually.”

The iridescent icosahedron shuddered and spun erratically as Kubiak and Ganymede tampered with its incubator, finally coming to a stop as the eye watching over it closed. The ƎGG unfolded itself, allowing the final ƎNA to stumble gracelessly out of it.

“My sincerest apologies!” ƎNA-Theta exclaimed. “I had no idea I was so late; I simply lost track of the time!”

Ignoring the ƎNA’s apology, Ganymede began to cautiously examine her for errors. Immediately they noticed that her right side and most of her torso hadn’t formed properly, appearing geometric and low poly compared to the smooth surfaces of her left side.

“Seems like poor surface subdivision across approximately, hm, sixty to seventy percent of her body?” Ganymede noted out loud. “Kubiak, what’s the error code for that again?”

Before Kubiak could respond, an ominous pink haze filled the air as a doorway to a long corridor manifested itself on the wall of the hatchery.

“Never mind that, Ganymede!” Kubiak squeaked anxiously. “We’ll finish updating the log later; Boss is here! Get the ƎNA ready for presentation!”

Though Kubiak had dealt with Boss many times before, she still intimidated them a bit. Whether it was her authority, power, or her many arms and eyes that were numerous yet of no exact number, Kubiak wasn’t sure. They just hoped she’d approve of their latest project.

“Well, Kubiak, I’m just glad that you and Ganymede had the foresight to get my approval before releasing this latest batch of creatures into the overworld.” Boss stated, with displeasure in her tone as she recalled the earlier incident.

“Yes, our sincerest apologies about that, Boss.” Kubiak responded meekly, leading Boss through a distorted labyrinth of colourful corridors. “We hadn’t realised the ƎNAs would figure out how to travel between worlds so easily. They caused a fair amount of mischief.”

“And I assume you and Ganymede dealt with them before they got out of hand?”

“Well… Yes and no. All twenty of them died on their own before we could recall them.”

“How so?”

“Three of them were killed by wild animals. Two by angry locals. Four of them drowned in script, three in code, and one in a volcano. One was torn apart at the digital-molecular level, still no idea how, and the remaining six starved to death.”

“That is incredibly depressing.” Boss sighed.

“But don’t worry, Boss!” Kubiak reassured. “Our latest batch of ƎNAs is greatly improved, and we’ve equipped their tracker bracelets with kill switches in case anything goes wrong again!”

“You’d better hope nothing does go wrong, Kubiak.”

Before Kubiak could offer any additional hollow reassurances, Ganymede came rushing around the corner in an obvious state of panic. Upon seeing Boss, they made a poor attempt at hiding it.

“Ah, good to see you, Boss!” Ganymede greeted nervously. “Welcome! Ah, uh, may I speak with Kubiak privately for a brief moment?”

“Do what you must.” Boss replied.

Ganymede wasted not a single moment dragging Kubiak around the nearest corner of the corridors and gesturing at them to keep quiet.

“I think there’s a problem with one of the ƎNAs!” Ganymede hissed in a frantic but hushed voice.

“What do you mean?!” Kubiak exclaimed back in a similar harsh whisper.

“If there is an issue with the ƎNAs, I would like to be made aware of it.” Boss’s voice boomed demandingly from around the corner.

“Ah, everything’s fine boss, we’re working it out!” Kubiak called out, before they turned back to Ganymede and whispered once again. “Is it Theta?”

“It’s ƎNA-Theta, yeah.” Ganymede sighed. “But maybe Boss won’t notice?”

“I would like to see your work now, do not keep me waiting any longer.” Boss’s intimidating voice boomed once again.

The presentation room was quite pleasant, decorated in marble tiles, old stone pillars and crystal-clear water fountains. Among the gentle scenery was a small crowd of sixteen ƎNAs mingling politely with each other as they awaited Boss’s judgement. As Kubiak and Ganymede entered the room their gazes immediately locked on ƎNA-Theta, who glanced back at them with a calm smile. To their relief, she didn’t seem to be having any problems at that moment.

As Boss entered the room, the ƎNAs gazed up at her with simple curiosity, unaware of her authority and unintimidated by her presence. She gazed back at them critically.

“Begin.” She spoke.

“Although our first introduction of the ƎNA into the overworld didn’t quite go as well as we planned, Kubiak and I are confident that our new batch of ƎNAs will make a lovely and colourful addition to the population.” Ganymede began. “These charming characters may look all… Mostly… The same, but there’s more than meets the eyes! The ƎNA has a flexible personality and a shapeshifting ability to match! ƎNA, if you would please demonstrate!”

At the command, the ƎNAs began to shift into various different forms. ƎNA-Iota took on the form of a fanciful dragon, while ƎNA-Beta shifted into a simple geometric shape. Some changed colours, some changed size, and some barely retained their humanoid shape. All except ƎNA-Theta, who merely struck a dramatic pose and hoped no-one would notice. Unfortunately, the discrepancy was noticed by both Ganymede and Kubiak, and Boss.

“A-alright, let’s try that again!” Kubiak called out.

The ƎNAs shifted once again, all taking on new forms except ƎNA-Theta, who once again failed to shapeshift.

“That ƎNA isn’t shapeshifting.” Boss remarked, pointing at the defective ƎNA with one of her many arms. “Does she not understand your command?”

“Oh, no no no, I understand perfectly clear!” ƎNA-Theta responded directly with enthusiasm. “I just, eh, I uhm…”

“Well, I did notice a small issue with ƎNA-Theta regarding shapeshifting.” Ganymede explained. “But I’m sure it’s not a major issue!”

“I’m useless!” The defective ƎNA shouted, the left side of her face suddenly becoming pitch black as the right side turned stark white. “I can’t even shapeshift properly! I can’t do anything properly!”

The sudden shift in tone caught not only Ganymede and Kubiak by surprise, but Boss too.

“All I’ve ever done since I was born is disappoint everyone!” ƎNA-Theta shouted, her voice growing more and more distorted as she threw her head into her hands. “I was a mistake! Why don’t you just get rid of me now?! Go on! Do it! DO IT!”

Everyone in the presentation room began to step back, distancing themselves from the unexpected outburst. ƎNA-Theta’s meltdown grew continuously worse, her cries devolving into agonized shrieks as her form began to distort uncontrollably.

“HURRY UP AND PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!” She wailed, convulsing as her colours, geometry, and facial features fluctuated. “EVERY MOMENT I’M STILL HERE IS MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE, SO HURRY UP AND END IT!!”

The other ƎNAs began to huddle together in fear, while Ganymede and Kubiak cowered at the other side of the room. Boss stared daggers at the malfunctioning ƎNA’s chaotic display in a mixture of pity and disgust. Entirely displeased with the outburst, she extended an arm at ƎNA-Theta and launched a powerful electric current through her fingertips. As the shock coursed through her body, ƎNA-Theta let out a scream that came out as little more than a sickly rasp, before falling to her knees and violently vomiting white noise onto the marble-tiled floor.

The silence that followed was only broken by a single command from Boss.

“Terminate the project and all remaining ƎNA specimens.”

“Yes, Boss.” Kubiak spoke softly.

“For the record, this isn’t about not meeting my expectations or success rate goals.” Boss added. “It’s clearly cruel to bring these ƎNAs into existence in the first place. Your ambition is… Appreciated… But from now on you will return to creating simpler life forms. Understood?”

“Understood.” Kubiak and Ganymede answered in unison.

Boss left the presentation room without another word.

After the incredibly dismal series of events Ganymede and Kubiak had endured, they couldn’t bear to see their functional, living ƎNAs be terminated in front of them. Instead, they jettisoned the ƎNAs out into the nearest barren void of code they could find, and only activated the kill switch once they were out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind. Except, it was never quite that easy. Where had they gone wrong? Was the ƎNA really doomed to failure from the beginning? It was no use contemplating it, however, as the project would never see the light of day again.

All that remained was a room of twenty-four empty incubators, and nine unused tracker bracelets. Nine. Ganymede froze as they counted the bracelets and compared them to the number of ƎNAs that never made it to the presentation.

“Kubiak…” Ganymede called out nervously. “I hate to bear additional bad news, but… I think I forgot to put a kill switch on one of the ƎNAs…”

Kubiak approached the pile of bracelets and counted them for confirmation. Sure enough, the numbers didn’t add up. One of the sixteen ƎNAs had been jettisoned without a kill switch. Kubiak could’ve asked which one went without, but deep down they knew the answer already.

“We terminated every ƎNA except the one that literally begged for death.” Ganymede lamented. “At this point I understand why Boss has no faith in us anymore.”

“Hey, don’t worry, Ganymede.” Kubiak reassured. “I’m sure she won’t last long out there on her own anyway.”


End file.
